I VOTED

Did you wear your sticker?  Did you get free stuff?  I went to an election party Tuesday night, and people started talking about all the free stuff you could get by flashing your I VOTED sticker.  Krispy Kreme donuts, Starbucks coffee, a Chick-fil-A sandwich.  That’s all I caught, but there were more suggestions. 

Well, since I had to go home and grade 9-wk. Latin translations, I left the party early.  I went by Krispy Kreme on my way home, and beamed at the girl behind the counter, “I voted!” while pointing at my sticker.  The girl just looked at me.  So I added, “Are you all giving away free donuts to people who voted?”

“No, we ran out.”

“Wait. What?”

The girl informed me that they had run out of the free donuts. 

“But there are myriads of donuts behind you.  I mean, a donut is a donut, right?”

“No.  The free donuts had blue icing with patriotic sprinkles.”

Not wanting to be that customer who complains about not getting something free–when in reality I didn’t even want a donut before I heard they were free–I just said, “Oh.  That’s disappointing.  Have a good night.”

And left.  Then I convinced myself that I should get *something* free, since all these places were offering.  I mean, at least there are still celebrating the privilege and responsibility to vote and not succumbing to all this voting is against my conscience bs.  I rerouted my way home and stopped by CFA.  Not the 9-Mile store, the cash cow on Bayou. 

I walked in and tried again, beaming anew, “I voted!” 

And the girl just looked at me.  You have got to be kidding me.  So I let her know what I had heard:  about their giving away free sandwiches today.  She huffed, like she was practicing breathing out for the doctor holding a stethescope to her chest.  Finding some words for her, I asked, “Is that not true?” 

“I could give you a free drink.” 

“No, that’s ok.  I just had heard that you guys were giving sandwiches–”

She had turned the manager and in a quite accusatory tone informed her, “This lady wants a free sandwich because she voted.” 

Now, now.  Wait just a second.  I was not demanding anything.  I was just investigated these allegedly free sandwiches.  Which I assume they are not…

The manager filled me in, “Somehow it got out on the internet, but CFA did not approve that.  Some states are doing that.  But not us.”

“Oh.  ok.”

…And since Starbucks was right next door, I had to find out if that was a hoax too.  I didn’t go inside.  I just got to the drivethrough.  And since they have that camera in the DT, I showed my sticker.  “I voted.  Are you guys giving out free coffee?”

“Yes.”  oh good!

“Do you still have some free coffee left?”

“Yes.”  oh good!

“Awesome.  I’ll have a cup of free coffee.  with cream please.  oh wait.  I’ve been hearing about this salted carmel cocoa.  May I have that instead?”

“Sure, but that’s not free.”

“It’s ok.”

“ok.  $3.68″

I pulled up to the window, and found a kid with an I VOTED sticker as well.  Voter and I were making small talk about voting, and he informed me that they actually were giving coffee away to anyone who asked, since the legal department informed them that they were actually bribing people to vote by giving coffee.  And some people just don’t believe in voting.  Some people can’t vote.  So it’s not fair to give only voters free coffee. 

WHAT!?  This is ridiculous.  So I start getting on this soapbox about people not voting, and about patriotism, and relaying the story about KK and CFA, and some guy comes up behind Voter, and whispers in his ear.  Voter’s face fell.  “I am so sorry.  We just ran out of that cocoa.  I’ll give you a refund, and you could have anything else.” 

I figured it was a sign.  “eh.  No worries.  I’m glad you voted.  Have a good night!”

ps.  I was not the only one who heard of the free stuff.